It's been a whole season since my precious Speedo went to the Rainbow Bridge. The first few days after he left I could barely breathe. I don't think I'd ever really experienced a broken heart. He didn't leave softly and I relive those dark moments over and over again, wishing I could have somehow helped him. I guess I did in a way....I held him and sang to him in the wee hours in the dark, telling him it was OK to go if he needed to. It was so unexpected....
A few weeks passed, 1....2....3....and then began the months. Now it's been a whole season since he went away and my heart still aches and I miss him. His tag sits here on my keyboard, his collar with his "rescued" charm dangling from a corner of my monitor and of course his picture on my screensaver. I like to keep him close by since he's always been my muse, my inspiration and the reason I started Silver Hounds and can help so many seniors like him, who became a burden to his person who could not afford his extensive medical care.
He would have been with us only four short years this past February 1. I somehow forgot that day....as if he didn't want me to be sad, so it just slipped my mind. I thought I heard him bark the other day and I can't bear to throw away his special kidney medicine in the 'fridge that kept him healthy right up to the end.
The other dogs don't seem to know he's not here anymore, or maybe he still is and I just can't see him. I couldn't have gotten through that loss without them, nudging me to be happy that THEY are here and alive and SO loving.
My life really has gone to the dogs and I embrace it. I've recently reconnected with some old high school friends on Facebook and I'm sure they all think I'm a little daft that I never followed the rules and had a tribe of kids, and surround myself with dogs instead. Let them think it. I know what I do every day and I'm honored to keep such good company with my little pack of fur who teach me SO much.
Little did I know when I wrote this poem for Speedo two years ago that it would bring me such comfort after his passing. For all the senior dogs now and in the future who have lost their way, I hope a loving human finds you...and teaches you that you can love again.
Old Dog,
for Speedo
A senior dog is always there come sunny days or rain,
Their gentle ways through lazy days are sometimes filled with pain.
With cloudy eyes and toothless smiles they shower you with care,
Grateful, Quiet, Meek and Mild, Peaceful, Kind & Fair.
They teach us all how we should be, not afraid to live and love
For someday soon they'll leave us and we'll know from up above.
Their guidance will embrace us and they'll lead us on you see,
For another senior needs us...it's just how it should be.
Holly Mastromatto 2007
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